It’s quickly approaching Easter and I am sitting in my living room, while drinking coffee, still in my robe. My 2 year old babe is watching cartoons downstairs. I proceed to read Isaiah 53…the perfect Chapter for Easter. On You Version app, A verse from Isaiah 53 popped up as the daily verse. Now I’m not the biggest reader so You Version kind of tricks me into thinking I’m not really reading since I am not holding an actual book. I’m not sure if my crazy emotions are even more vulnerable right now since I’m pregnant with my 4th, but tears start pouring down my face as I read this chapter.
Not only have I read Isaiah 53 multiple times in the past but have heard it referenced many times throughout my life growing up in the church. This time it stood out to me different. I have a mental illness so it’s sometimes hard to relate to or imagine my Saviour struggling in any of the same ways that I do, especially any ongoing depression. Well, Isaiah 53 gives me a glimpse more into His life.

First of all, verse 2 says He grew up like a root out of dry ground…His roots went deep from the beginning. Being in Arizona for 12 years and experiencing dry ground, His roots had to grow deep in order for Him to stay grounded. I never really caught the dry ground before until at youth the other night (we are youth leaders) we went into depth talking about the seed and the soil and how the fourth seeds roots went deep and grounded- ultimately in deep dependence (Matthew 13). This was a beautiful little nugget for me to glean. But what really brought the water works was verse 3. Even though it appears that Jesus was popular with lots of fame, He actually was quite lonely (even with being surrounded by the 12). I too often feel so lonely since I have major depression disorder (even though it’s often not the case, this illness causes one to feel this way). Verse 3 says that He was a man of suffering and familiar with pain. I’m sure Jesus suffering was much less selfish, however, He still struggled with our same temptations (Hebrews 4:15). I can’t even fathom all the ways He suffered day to day. All I know is that He found His strength through constant dependence (that deep root) and surrendering to the Father- turning to prayer and isolation with the Father (Matthew 14:23 and many others showing this!). I too have to have dependence on the Father to keep going sometimes even from day to day.

As I was crying so hard, my two year old came upstairs and said to me why are you crying mommy? I said it’s because I’m thankful for Jesus and I love Him. It helped me relate to Him in a whole new way, and for that I’m thankful.
As I continued to read, the next thing I confronted by was my pride. Verse 7 talks about how the Lord didn’t open His mouth to defend Himself. I don’t know about you but I have a huge desire to put my best foot forward and defend myself and my character. Whenever I feel like my character is being attacked even in a small way, it would be excruciating for me to keep silent and humble about it, especially if I felt there was no truth in it. Jesus however showed such a different example of complete humility.
The beautiful thing was the little gem I found in verse 11 as we transition out of pain to something greater. In verse 10-11, we can see that it was the Fathers will to crush Jesus and allow such incredible suffering while on this earth, but it lead to something so much greater. In verse 11, it says that Jesus will see the Light of Life and be Satisfied. In the Masoretic text, it includes that He will see the FRUIT of his suffering and be Satisfied. It occurred to me, going back to the fourth seed and soil, spoken of in Matthew 13, that fruit being produced doesn’t always look the way we think it should. Sometimes it is simply in persevering through our suffering that we might be able to see fruit from it all. The Lord always has a greater purpose behind what He allows in our lives. It might not be His will to crush us as Jesus was (at least we hope not although life can sometimes feel that way), however it always leads to something greater if we keep depending and push through it.
What are you suffering with today that you need to look to Jesus? What are you turning to in your life other then Jesus? It is a relationship, entertainment, media, an addiction, work? Turn to Him like Jesus did to the Father- He can relate more then you realize. He is for sure working out something in your life in order for you also to see fruit.